Tag Archive: battle



It’s Monday, and already a long day in the world of a caregiver and my caregivee.

We started out this morning with a discussion of ‘why do we need to do this?” Blood sugar, Blood pressure and Oxygen saturation which is daily sent to the VA.

My answer, “Because they need to keep track”, did not seem to satisfy. Neertheless, we did the things and the data was sent.

Last week, Hubby saw the pulmonary folks, I’ve been mentioning to anyone who’d listen that his oxygen numbers were less than the desird 93%.

Even though he’s on oxygen at night, and using two different broncodilators, his morning reading is often in the 85-90 range.

After a pulmonary function test, where his numbers dropped to 80 and the tech had to put oxygen on him to get it back up to 90. it was decided he needed supplemental oxygen when he is ‘short of breath’ during the day.

The oxygen man has been here, portable tanks are in place and we have both had a lesson in the proper operation. The man couldn’t have been back to the highway before I was asked if this is going to do any good.

Honestly, I do not know. I do know that getting better oxygen may help some of the muscle pain when you walk, and it may help your brain work better too.

So for now, we will be monitoring this more closely, watching for breathing difficulties and adding a few more requests to the prayer list.

Yes, he napped in front of the TV, but he got dressed. Count the blessings and be thankful every day.

Standing on the edge of the ‘black hole’


‘Black holes’ do not exist only in the cosmos. They can exist inside you, sucking away your hope, light and energy.
It is called DEPRESSION and it is very real.

I know, I fight this battle. I’m far from alone, although when DEPRESSION rears it’s ugly head, I feel that way. Then, no one is there, no one can fathom the awfulness, the aloneness, the fears.

In my effort to continue to exist, I try to look for the good in things, find beauty in what is around me. On really bad days, even this is a hard task.

On those days, when I want to crawl back into bed and ide under the covers, I must remind myself that I am not invisible.

What I do does matter, and who I am matters more.  The emptiness is inside me, attacking, pulling me in.

The battle rages, reality and all that is good, or this lie of despair and defeat.


battle of Pilot Knob 150th anni 064nurse prepared for the battleAnd there I was! I’d read about Clara Barton, Dorothea Dix and other women, making a difference for our men in battle.

I knew I had to help. My brothers, Johnny, Clint and Lucas were out there somewhere. Their infrequent letters filled with tales of things so horrifying. Lives were daily lost for want of nursing skill on the field and in the ragged tent hospitals.

Maw cried, but helped me make my dress, the red trim marking me as a nursing volunteer.Now, here I am following the unit into a skirmish. A bag of bandages and a bottle of white likker in a bag at my hip. Not much to do with, but more than many had.

The drummer boys, no more than 10 or 12 have been shooed away into the woods or back to the earth berm fort behind us.

I can hear the crack of rifles, smoke from the cannons hangs heavy over the field in front.

As I watch, a man out front falls! Those around him carry him back to where I now lay upon the ground. Rifle balls sing over my head like a swarm of mosquitoes. It is all up to me, to help this man.

More are being dragged this way… Where are the ambulances? Blood, blood, blood! Can I do enough to save even one?